Book Lovers are sweet, introverted souls- until you mess with their books! And that's what makes annoying them so much fun! So, if you have Ink Drinkers in your life and you're looking for ways to get under their skin or you need to exact some kind of evil revenge on them- this is the blog post for you!
10. Talk to them while reading.
Reading time is "me time." It's most definitely not "we time." And that's what makes talking to a bibliophile when she's nose deep into a book so deliciously maniacal. I'm sure she will try to be polite during the first few interruptions; but take careful notice of how her jaw clenches tighter with each verbal assault invading her reading time. Take note of how her answers get shorter and shorter. You can bet your last dollar she is silently cursing you- "May both sides of your pillow always be warm."
If you are twisted- go ahead and read over her shoulder.
9. Say the movie is better than the book.
This is even worse than saying "I didn't read the book." At least then, your bookworm can write you off as unenlightened. But, if you make an informed choice, after you have read a book so good people decided to spend thousands of dollars to try and capture the story's magic via an inferior format, and insist the movie is better than the book- the bookworm has no choice but to judge you harshly. And yes, you are annoying her when you make such ignorant statements.
8. Dog ear their books.
Books are to be cherished and beloved, not mutilated like some cheap office memo. And that's how you're going to drive your book fanatic crazy. Ask to borrow a book, then fold back several pages into those dirty little triangles. When you return it, be sure to draw attention to your evil deed by saying, "I marked some of my favorite passages, let me know what you think." You may even be tempted to bend the spine, but don't- that's just cruel, you sicko!
7. Don't admire their bookshelves.
A Book Nerd's most prized possessions are her books. When she shows you her bookshelves and rambles on about how she spent hours debating whether or not to arrange her books by genre, by author, or by color; she doesn't want your opinion- she wants your undying praise and adulation. Thus, you should let out a big yawn and say, "I like it when people display books spine first." Or better yet, "You could save so much space if you'd stick to ebooks." You will not only annoy her, you will crush her!
6. Use their books as a coaster.
Books are on coffee tables for many reasons. They may be the bibliomaniac's most treasured reads. They may be used to spark conversation. They may be there to call your attention to a beloved author or beautiful story. They may simply be serving as charming home decor. Most likely, your book lover is flexing her distinguished literary palate. But one thing is absolutely certain- books are not on that table to be used as a coaster. And that's exactly why you should do it if you're looking to annoy her. Be warned: if you put a ring on that, be prepared to get slapped!
5. Don't read the book they suggest.
Your Ink Drinker imagines herself to be the expert on all things bookish. You refusing her book recommendation is to deny her book genius. It is an insult bigger than "Your inferiority complex is fully justified," or "I'd prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed," or even "I'm jealous of all the people who haven't met you." So, if you want to annoy your self-proclaimed book critic when she is raving about a book and insisting you read it, reply with a simple, "I'll just wait until they make it into a movie. The movie is always better."
4. Gift them a book with an illy placed sticker.
Your bookworm will of course be ecstatic to receive a book, but trust me, her thoughts will keep going to that awful sticker you craftily placed in the center of the title. "I know that's not going to peel." "This is ruining the book." "I'm going to sticker that marketing guru's face!" "There is a spot in hell for people who sticker books like diabolical madmen!" Eventually, she will come out of her stupor and thank you for the book, but she will be cursing your name when that sticker leaves its sticky backing on her precious baby.
3. Give them a set of books with unmatching spines.
This will take a little work and will be a bit pricey- but oh so worth it. After she opens the first present, she'll be elated to discover the first book in her beloved series. (A rare edition or beautiful new cover release will work best here.) But then watch that smile quickly fade as she opens book number two to find a totally different cover and a different height. Right now, your book lover's smile is fading as she's thinking of ways to work this gaffe out on her bookshelf display. And then finally, witness her losing her mind when she opens book present number three only to discover it is the movie cover edition! The absolute horror will be too much for her to bear. I doubt she'll even be able to compose herself for a fake, "Thank you so much, I love these books." She may burn them after you leave. At the very least, they're going to charity.
2. Give them a book with a beautiful dust jacket.
In Book World, dust jackets are like furniture covered in plastic. Yes, they serve a protective function, but at what cost? Pure ugliness! That's the cost. And Bookworms don't want to live in a world filled with ugly books. Have you ever seen a Bookstagrammer post pictures of plastic covers? Absolutely not! They want the pretty, easy to damage books.
1. Tell them you hate to read.
This is the ultimate no, no! The Book Lover will have trouble relating to you and may even consider ending the friendship altogether. She is definitely judging you- and not kindly. Warning: use this pet peeve with caution to annoy your Ink Drinker. It may cause irreversible damage.
I can't imagine any reason why someone would want to annoy a Book Lover- other than she is perfectly content ignoring you, has snobbish views regarding movies, and is borderline obsessive over imaginary worlds and people. But may I suggest that after you get this foolishness out of your system- this purposeful annoyance of an innocent- that you gift her with a bookish thing to make up for the hell you've subjected her to. Because I can guarantee you that she has found a book on How to Get Revenge and is planning your demise. You can find unique gift ideas on my blog post, 35 Gift Ideas for Book Lovers. It just may save your life!
I would close with Happy Reading- but you don't do that sort of thing. So, so long.
You can follow me on Instagram @staceywritesandreads. I just may turn you into a certified bibliophile.